Juggalos are famous for Faygo showers, face paint, and gathering in parking lots that look like post-apocalyptic carnivals. But what happens when the paint cracks with age? What’s left when the Faygo runs flat? Do Juggalos have a retirement plan?
The Carnival Never Ends (But the Body Does)
The Insane Clown Posse promised a “Dark Carnival” that would go on forever. But knees don’t last that long. Mosh pits turn into joint pain. Spray-painted vans rust out before Social Security kicks in.
Aging Juggalos face a unique question: does the clown makeup come off in the nursing home… or do the nurses have to learn how to apply it every morning?
Possible Retirement Strategies
- Faygo Futures
– Invest in cases of grape Faygo and hope it becomes vintage champagne of the apocalypse. - Hatchetman Pensions
– Shady-run retirement accounts that pay out in Psychopathic Records merch. - The Gathering As Assisted Living
– One day the Gathering of the Juggalos becomes a federally subsidized retirement festival. Bingo mixed with wrestling. Wheelchairs with subwoofers. - Clown-munity Housing
– Juggalos pooling funds to buy trailer parks and paint every lot black and red.
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A Culture That Refuses to Age
Juggalos are built on loyalty. ICP fans don’t “grow out” of it. They grow into it. The tracksuits get looser, the face paint gets shakier, but the identity holds.
In a way, that’s the retirement plan: eternal family, even if nobody has a 401(k). The carnival is the pension.
Final Thought
So do Juggalos have a retirement plan?
Yes. It’s called dying a Juggalo.
The makeup might fade, but the hatchetman logo is forever.